Five Kid Stud

So, what's this "Five Kid Stud" stuff?  True, I have five kids, so at least that part seems accurate.  As for being a "stud", well that's debatable.  There was a time, maybe, when I was a dyed-in-the-wool-black-leather-wearing-Olivia-Newton-John-tell-me-about-it-stud.  But that was, I don't know, at least a year ago.  These days, Christy wonders (aloud at times) what happend to the cool guy she married.

I used to play football.  I was once described on the front page of the Cary News sports section as a "Hun-like warrior."  (I still have the article, if you need proof.)  I was 165 pounds of lean and mean manliness, and a member of the elite 300-lb bench press club.  I looked good in a tank top, and the babes digged me, my abs and my mustache.  But like I said, that was yesterday.  Well, not literally yesterday.  More like a generic non-specific Beatles yesterday.  It was some time ago. 

So, what happened?

Well, isn't it obvious?  It's the five kids.  They did this to me.  It is their unique youthfully hip perspective on the world that has relegated me to the back of the cool line.  I haven't changed.  Well, I lost the mustache.  And I don't play football anymore.  But that's about it.  Well, there's also the thing about not weighing 165 pounds.  And I write poetry now and then, and run a small community theatre on the side.  But I'm still the same tough guy I've always been.  Except I don't go out looking for fights on Saturday night, and I pretty much follow the rules now, and I don't say swear words.  But see, that's because of the kids.  They need my example, and so I must lose some of my coolness in order to live the exemplary life that every child wants to emulate.  I do it for the children.  I must suppress the inner stud, and be . . . a father.

And so, I will wear the badge of uncoolness with pride.  Maybe one day when I'm a grandpa, I'll get to take it off and give it to my children to wear.  Then I'll be cool again, and they'll be lame, and their kids will say, "Hey mom or dad, why can't you be cool like grandpa?"  I look forward to that day, but I'm okay that it's not here yet.

Until then, I won't be the football stud, or the tank top stud, or the babe magnet stud.  I'll be the dad.  The five kid stud.  I do it willingly.  It was my choice to sit at this table.  It's the hand I was dealt.  It's a great hand.  Full house - sons over daughters.  I like my chances.

I'm going all in.