Nine Wood Derbies

Tonight marked the end of an era.  Evan participated in our final pine wood derby, and he went out in a flash of brilliance, losing both races by close margins, and exiting the double-elimination tournament early enough to where he could simply enjoy the rest of the evening without all the worry as to whether he would win or not.  I mean, who needs all that.  It's not worth it.

So, that made nine pine wood derby races, and only one championship - Alec's magic School Bus back a few years ago.  Ahh, the glory days.

The problem for Justin, Alec and Evan was not a lack of desire.  They wanted to win.  Their problem was that their father was more artist than engineer.  We always knew there were other fathers out there with far better racing design skills - fathers like the Connors, the Zimmermans, and the Peerys.  We admired how they had the aerodynamics down, the fine sanding of both wheel and axel, the countless tubes of graphite, and the exactness of weight.  We accepted the fact that we were most likely not going to win.  (The school bus was obviously a fluke - a mere stroke of luck when all the pine wood derby gods came together and conspired against our competition.)

And so, to hide our inability to get every last bit of speed out of the car, we figured that if we couldn't win, we'd at least look good trying.  Form over function.  Style over substance.  And so we designed cars that we knew no one else would.  Justin had the Darta Racecar, the Rat, and the Wedge of Swiss Cheese.  Ahh, the power of cheese.  They all lost.  Alec had the Police Car, a non-descriptive block of wood (the year he was too sick to race), and The Famous and Beloved Miracle School Bus.  And Evan had Optimus Prime, the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and this year, our final entry, the Wiimote.  They all lost, too - some more than others.

But every year we walked out with our heads held high.  Because we always took home the prize for Most Creative, or Must Unusual, or Most Obvious Attempt At Hiding Your Inability To Build A Fast Car.  And we were proud of it!  We were all smiles. Because that's who we are.  We're all about appearances!  From pine wood derby entries to pretending we're fine with losing.  It's all just a show.

Because deep down inside, we wanted to win!  We tasted it once and it was sweet!  But now, the last race has been run.  The last block of wood formed into a masterpiece that rolled (just not very quickly.)  And so, tonight, I put away the spray paint, the scroll saw, the fine tipped permanent markers, the sandpaper, the acrylic, and all the fun ideas of what to do with a block of wood and four black wheels.  And we say, farewell pine wood derby.  We gave it our best effort, and we will miss you.

So, Justin, Alec and Evan - I'm sorry I let you down.  I hope you will overcome these childhood setbacks.  At the very least, we have learned one thing for certain.  /For the first time, we can say with confidence, we won't lose next year!